My daddy always said that men are great with a shovel. My mammy always said that women are great at emotional issues.
I say that men are pleasant pigs and women are pleasant pig observers.
Since I left high school, my opinions have been gradually changing. I used to think that boys were smelly but now I’m sure. I used to think that men are smellier versions of boys, but now I’m convinced.
I used to think that dirty men were exceptional and now I know that they are exceptional; exceptionally smelly.
I used to read that pigs were actually clean, but now know that it was a myth, but also that it was a true statement, relative to men.
Pigs grunt less, and tend not to piss on the toilet seat. Pigs tend not to deny where they piss either.
Please don’t get me wrong. I like men and one can become accustomed to any odour. It is the design and nature of the olfactory senses and is a preserving biological feature. If we must live with a smell, then it won’t affect us all the time!
If only the eyes had a similar feature, then we wouldn’t have to look at piss on the toilet seat, all the time. (I’ll see if I can construct something in the laboratory, to achieve this end. Watch out for my next article entitled “Artificial Blindness and Toilet Seat Technology”).
I will even attempt to invent a “pants-mounted” vacuum cleaner (without any special side effects), which might eliminate men from “the liquid exchange element” of toilets and their functions.
However, I don’t envisage any device of mine, eliminating the “solids exchange” elements of toilet function.
What I mean is that men still won’t flush the toilet after a dump! So while I might be able to induce some artificial blindness with respect to the piss, solids will still be in sight with respect to smell. And unless one was to designate the toilet as the primary living space within a structure (house, etc.), then any biological abilities to become accustomed to the smell of the “floaters” would be useless!
Oh, I’m not giving out, complaining, or anything, but these are just some of the technical issues that I’m presented with. And while my life is consumed with such effluent goals or subject matter, it is hardly a wonder that I don’t have time to date.
I would also like to introduce a caveat. If any of you ladies out there should know of any man with excellent toilet practises, then let me know. In any case, my email account is 60 Kilobytes in capacity, and I don’t expect it to be full. Ever!
Unless of course, that some man decides to use it as a toilet!
Going a little further, if any lady out there knows of a pig that is unattached, then I will certainly consider such an option.
Sincerely,
Tranni D’Electric
technicaltoilettrials@thetrivialtimes.com
About the Author
Tranni D'Electric is an "expert" columnist with TheTrivialTimes.com and is proficient with electronics.